Today’s post is a follow up post to a piece I wrote in March titled “A Guying Guide to Flying Part 1: The Good”. If you haven’t had the chance to read that post, I would suggest reading that before you dive into this post. Flying is a very important part to Guying Around, you need to get from point A to point B in the fastest, most effective way possible. This week I will write about the bad parts to flying, when my upgrade system doesn’t work and how you can potentially deal with it.
You are excited you are going to Guy Around somewhere different. You are all packed, ready to rock and roll. You follow suit to my original post and plan, NEVER checking in online. You rehearse my famous line while waiting for your ride to the airport. Nothing can bring you down at this point, you feel like you’re on top of the world. The only setbacks I have encountered before going to the airport have always been out of my control. Traffic has caused me to miss one career flight in my life (thank you Atlanta traffic). If you are a big enough knucklehead and forget your passport, phone or wallet leaving for the airport, I have no sympathy for you either. That is a JV move and I understand that it happens, but it shouldn’t. Assuming traffic isn’t causing you to miss your flight and you did remember everything, we arrive at the airport.
This is the make or break for an upgrade using my system. To recap, you want to look confident, dress well, go to the nicest looking older lady, look like you belong in an upgraded seat, stand on your tippy toes, puff out your chest, and use my famous line when looking for an upgrade. “Sir where is your final destination today?” “First class, business class or an exit row is my final destination, what can you do for me today?”
Now I have said before, that works 7/10 times so for the 3/10 times it doesn’t work (maybe a full flight), here is what you should try next. You have obviously gotten hit pretty hard, but you need to get back up and don’t stop trying for that upgrade. Be persistent, ask “Could I ask the gate attendant if someone would be willing to switch?” This works for bigger guys, hence the tippy toes and puffing out the chest.
There are also times when the LOW LEVEL Airlines try to jam you up with fees on bags and what not. Do not be alarmed when you book with them and they attempt this JV move. Those hidden bag fees and what not can put a damper on the start of your trip.
Another check in tip is if you are flying in a foreign country (China) and you get the chance to be upgraded to an exit row. You need to lie about being able to read that language for exit row directions. I was flying in China and the check-in attendant said I could have an exit row seat, then asked me if I knew how to read Mandarin, I said “I was absent in school those days we learned that.” She said I could not sit in the exit row because I couldn’t read mandarin. Lesson learned, fake it until you make it.
We are assuming the upgrade did not happen at the Check In, so this is crunch time on getting that potential upgrade. Once you clear security you need to go directly to the gate to ask the attendant if there is anything they can do for you. Most of the time the attendant will be someone who was checking people in. In my experience, it doesn’t really matter if its someone different than the person who already checked you in. You need to have the Guying Around attitude of “I probably won’t see these people again, I can be annoying.”
If this strategy fails again, there is a slim chance of someone willing to switch with you on the plane. Its a one in a million, but there’s still a chance. At this point you probably want to find the nearest Guy Soda Station and fire a few back. You might as well get a little sauced before getting on this flight to help you sleep better or just pass out drunk.
IN THE AIR
This is the most miserable part of the experience. Not only did you not succeed in getting an upgrade, but now you have to cram back in with the rest of the commoners. If you had time to sling a few Guy Sodas back before the flight, it might make it a little bit more bearable. If not, I hope you have strong mental toughness or were trained by a Jedi master. For the bigger and taller guys, it’s super tough to fit in some economy seats, they are built for little people. My problem is always my legs and my shoulders, constantly rubbing shoulders with the people next to me. I also try to get the window seat, I can’t be bothered getting up for people using the bathroom during a flight, no matter how long it is.
Flying is such an important part of Guying Around and traveling. If you Guy Around as much as me you want to maximize any kind of savings that you can have. I hope through my experience and different posts you can learn a few tricks I am willing to share. I will teach you this dark magic.
If you get caught in a crappy situation always remember that the true Guying Around spirit makes the most out of any situation. Look at the positives at the end of the day, you are still going on a plane to go Guy Around somewhere new. Keep a positive attitude even though some things might not go your way out there. Chin up, make the most of your time, and go Guy Around!